I should have taken you to the park today. I've been beating myself up a bit lately, because I keep thinking you need more stimulation, more attention. I suppose that's pretty typical of most parents, especially when they know they've been a bit grumpy lately, and I have been. It's not you, by any means, or your father, it's me. The fact that I've noticed too, makes me feel even worse. Not sure what's causing it, though it could be a few things. Your father says it sounds like I just need a good break. Not an hour or few hours break, but a nice day. A day to clean, to sit at home, and just bask in the cleanliness for a bit, veg out on a game or watch some movies, to have the leisure to fall asleep on the couch if I desire and not have to worry about who needs what. Then again, my mother also suggested maybe it's a reaction to chocolate. She has reactions to it, such as nightmares, having bad moods, and said this came about after the birth of my brother. Oh I hope she's wrong! I have, though, decided to give it up for a few days and see if it helps. (I had been eating a lot lately with Valentine's Day and all).
Below: A day at the park! Also, if I haven't already mentioned it, it's been a week since you last had a chupi! This is because I get too lazy to keep looking for them since you always throw them all over the house. Chupi is officially gone! (January 2012)
With that in mind, let's talk about what your mom does on a typical day. At nine, my first alarm goes off. I catch a few zz's and by nine thirty, my second alarm is going off. If you wake up earlier than that, I try to get you to rest, but sometimes I end up spending that time just fighting with myself over whether or not I will be able to go back to sleep at all, and how I should just get up already! So, at nine thirty a.m., I'm up and prepping to work out. You stay with your father, who usually changes you and let's you play while he tries to sleep a little longer. I work out for about an hour, after which I vacuum the living room floor so any dirt from the day before is clean and gone. I then take the typical shower, shaving, putting on makeup. After that, if your father hasn't already dressed you I do, and take you out into the living room where your toy box is. I prepare your morning breakfast, which is a shake. Sometimes you drink a lot, sometimes just a little. For me, then it's on to straightening up the basics. Any dishes that didn't get done, any cups or cans that are left out all need to be sorted, the cats need their breakfast, the littler box cleaned. I sometimes sweep up outside, or begin loads of laundry (which I do about three times a week). I sit and play with you for a bit, or if you're alright by yourself it's time to prepare breakfast for your father and myself. I also work on making his lunch for work, which is leftovers from the night before, or a sandwich, along with cut up apples and peeled cucumbers.
Once breakfast is done, a huge weight is lifted. I get to sit down, maybe share a few bites with you, and veg out for a moment with your dad. After I wash the dishes used for breakfast and decide what I'll be cleaning that day. Most days I am tidying the bed because your father is up, collecting clothes that have been left about the house and putting things back in their proper place. If I've already been working on laundry, around that time it's done so I can sort it and put it away. If there's nothing pressing, sometimes your father will want to run a few errands. Your nap schedule has you getting cranky around noon to one, so by then I'm getting you ready for a nice nap. You wake up in a n hour or two, and by that time your dad is just about off to work. Once your father leaves, it's our day. I try to have some time with you. I'll lay on the floor, sometimes while a movie plays, and let you climb all over me, or I will toss soft blocks at you and make you laugh. I try to take you to the park at least two to three times a week to get you out of the house. There, I take you to the swings, because you love the swings, and if there are no children occupying the forts you crawl all over those under my supervision. I help you go down the slides a few times, and then, if the weather has not been muggy, I can take you to a grassy patch and let you explore nature. It sounds like a lot, but since you are so small, park time usually only lasts thirty minutes to an hour before we are on our way back home. I feed you your snacks throughout the day, and share some of my food with you for lunch. At around five, it's time for your second nap. I usually get tired around this time and conk out for a little while with you. When we wake up, I'm trying to clean whatever room it is that I need to for the day, or get a head start on dinner. Sometimes I manage to veg out too, but around eight, it's time for your bath. Bath time doesn't last too long. Most of the time I clean you up and then allow you to play in the water for a bit with your toys. When your bath is over, I brush your teeth. I then get myself ready for bed in clothing at least, and allow you to run around the house naked for about twenty minutes before I attempt to sneak a diaper on you.
As night draws in, I become more relaxed, and start to write, have a glass of wine, or finish up dinner. At ten, I work on putting you to bed. Some days are worse than others, and I understand that. Being a human, I don' expect you to always fall asleep right on time, however as a parent, I realize I need to get a little more strict with bed time. You can lay there awake as much as you like, but running around isn't really an option. Tonight it took me a whole hour to get you to bed!
After bed, I clean up your toys, picking them up and tossing them into the toy box. I put away any other things that might be cluttering the floor, and make sure everything is decent for when dad comes home. Then, it's all about the relaxation, the writing, the enjoyment of the evening, before I get to bed around one thirty in the morning, ready to start the next day.
So, I hope this doesn't sound too boring for you. I'm certain it probably wasn't the most entertaining thing to read, but I just wanted to share things from my perspective this time, in hopes that you will understand that sometimes, even though you don't always see me as much as you want, that you know I am thinking dearly of you. Know that, if in the future there are things I have failed at such as... oh I don't know... maybe I didn't read to you enough, or maybe I should have been teaching you math every single day... I am human, just like you, and I did try my very best for the home and family. That's what we are, a family. We are a unit, but we are each individuals, and we have to work our hardest but also make sure we don't lose our identity in the process. I hope you understand.
Oh, even just yesterday I was realizing that I sleep eight hours a night. It never occurred to me just how long eight hours really is! I imagine my body, lying there for minute after minute, hour after hour, and I wonder all the things I could manage to get done if I just didn't need to sleep!