Grand Prize Baby

I never stopped to consider the fact that my own son would turn into a trophy. Not for me or for Vincent, but for others. Last night was a lesson for Vincent and myself as parents. I'm amazed at just how special you've become to people, and now even more alert.

Let me begin by saying you have loads of admirers. Girls have stopped us on several occasions to coo at you, and even the odd fella or two will comment on how adorable you are and that they hope they have a son as handsome as you. One such man is our neighbor, AJ. AJ is a pretty decent fellow. He's also pretty strong headed, VERY into his story telling, and also likes to be right all the time. This is said not in a nasty way, but as an observer. I don't think he would ever do anything intentionally to hurt you, or us. He's always dropping by to see you, eager to hold you, tries to insist that you think of him as, "Uncle AJ," and on several occasions had Vincent over to share in some beer.

You Aunt Valerie is Vincent's sister. She thinks you are fantastically adorable, and I believe she would not knowingly hurt you or us, and that if anything she is paranoid for your safety. She's always questioning how healthy you are and has even commented that I take you to the doctor for the slightest thing. She's had a rough past, and a fairly rocky present, as in I don't think she really knows what she wants to do with her life, but she is very outspoken and strong headed.

Below: Your Aunt Valerie meeting you for the first time. After that, she likes to come by every so often and check on you. (May 2011)

So yesterday your Aunt Valerie came over, and it was very pleasant. You enjoy seeing her, and anyone for that matter who entertains you. She does a very good job of this. Later on in the evening Valerie and Vincent had gone outside to talk and talk, and talk and talk further into the night. I was getting slowly ready for us to go to bed. Then, AJ popped by, which is fairly typical. Vincent came in and said AJ wanted to visit with you outside, and I let him know that we would head to bed soon, but this was no problem for you were still fairly wide awake. I went into the living room, hopped onto the computer for a short time. The next thing I knew, AJ was coming inside, telling me how he needed to leave because Valerie was crazy.
"What happened?" I asked. He proceeded to tell me that he had been holding you and you were sucking on your fist. He said he figured you were hungry but that Valerie told him he didn't know what he was talking about and took you from him. I stepped outside, and there was Valerie holding you. I'm not a psychology major, but I have studied people fervently with my mother, learned about it in journalism (for interviewing purposes) and taken a couple courses on it. I'm no expert, but I can see tension and it was there. AJ said a few things to take his leave, and at one point both of them hopped up against each other over the tiniest comment. To wrap it up, AJ decided to walk away and Valerie started barking at him. I told Valerie I needed to take you to bed and left them outside.

I'm not going to pretend that I know the whole story. What I got from Vincent later, was this... AJ said that you needed your chupi (pacifier) because you were sucking on your hands. Valerie said she wanted to hold you, then said you didn't need it. Then they barked back and forth that you did need it, you didn't need it, you did need it, you didn't need it, and that's how it started. Since I was not outside, I can't tell you who was right. I know AJ has seen you more often, but I also know Valerie has had quite a bit of experience working at Daycare facilities. What I do know is that AJ needs to understand that he may claim to have maternal instincts but you are not his child and he is not related to you and that he is not always right. Also, Valerie should not have been so overprotective and rude to Vincent's guest, and her comments were very inappropriate.

However, that said, it goes to show that both of them care about you. I talked with Vincent later, and told him that I felt he should have taken you away from both of them. "When it comes to a point when two people are arguing and including Cesar," I said, "Vincent, you are his father. Don't let him be caught in a petty fight over who knows what's best because you know what's better for him more than any of those people." Vincent tends to be a pacifist when it comes to two friends arguing. He will let them fight it out.. but he can't do that anymore, not when it comes to his son. I explained that Valerie taking you away from AJ psychologically turned you into a kind of trophy. You know, whoever has got the baby wins. Which is why AJ was so upset and Valerie thought she had the upper hand. It's not ok for you to be in that position especially when your own father is there. If anything, Valerie and AJ should have looked to Vincent to begin with, but since they did not, Vincent should have just removed you from the situation altogether and asserted his own dominance.

At first Vincent thought I was severely mad at him. I tried to explain that no, of course I wasn't mad. I told him, "I honestly never thought that two childless adults would start an argument over our son and a damn chupi."
"I know," he said. "It happened so fast, I didn't really realize what was happening."

Well, now we know better. In retrospect it's pretty funny, however.. it's a stern warning of things to come. I'm certainly not saying that people will fight over you all of the time. But lot's of people like to think they know what's best for a child whether it's doctors, teachers, friends, family, ect., and Vincent and I are going to have to learn to step in, talk back, take control, or we are going to end up getting stepped on by people who think they know better.