Tuesday, September 27, 2011

In defense of the clean mom

I've been noticing a lot of posts lately on the social networks. They go something like this: "Dirty dishes mean your belly is full. Messy floors mean you've had lots of space to play.." or "A good mom has sticky floors and happy kids." For the most part, they can be summed up by saying that because the house is dirty, it is a reflection that dear mother cares about her kids, ensuring that the happiness of their childhood comes before all else, including the housework.

While I am certain these posts are not a personal attack on myself or anyone else, but rather, a noble defense of the job that is motherhood, I find myself feeling a little bad. So... because I keep my home clean does that make me a bad mom? It shouldn't. For the record, I don't think a "good" or "bad" mom can be defined by the things you can see. It's not something you can check off on a list.

There are times I put you down and let you do your own thing. You have your excersaucer now, a favorite, and when you are there I can get some things done. Or, when you are napping. When you take your big nap is the best time to get large projects done. Occasionally you squeal. Am I a bad mom because I don't come running to your aid? I am against the Cry It Out method, but I'm not against giving you a moment to consider whether or not you are actually in danger or upset. I like to think I understand your cries now, and at your age there are times now when you startle yourself, or become frustrated, and your initial reaction is to cry. Sometimes you squeal, and by the time I come to your side, you are laughing.

Below: You are so happy in general. I love it. However, I'm also a mom who knows how to say "No!" when you bite. It made you cry today when I did, but you hurt me for the first time since the arrival of your tooh! Biting while nursing is not allowed. (September 2011)



Cesar, there are times you are unhappy. Right now you are teething. That tooth, by the way, is very nearly through... there's just a hair of gum stopping it! You're miserable though. Today I was certain that if someone were to walk by they would think I was murdering you. Yet, upon closer inspection, they would have found me, at my wits end, rocking you, offering you teethers, allowing you to nurse as you please, and letting you nap when at last you had found some relief. For the most part though, you are an extraordinarily happy baby.

In the end, can someone walk into my home and check off what makes me a good mom? What would this checklist look like? Who would design it and who would have the final approval to say, "Yes, I am an expert and a good mom should meet all these requirements." I may not be the best parent, but who is? Everyone is going to have parental issues on some level. There's no perfect way you see, and we can all be considered guilty of poor parenting if the choice is left up to the right parties. I am lucky that I have the life I do. I am a stay at home mother at this time. I am grateful. Some parents are single fathers and mothers. In some cases both parents have to work. There are lots of reasons that could be tossed at me as to why a person can't keep their home clean. It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that I like to keep my house clean, I have the opportunity to. I hated when people would tell me while pregnant that I was going to have to learn to live with a dirty house. That I would have to just "let things go." I hope you are a happy person Cesar. I want you to know that I DO make time for you. I love you so very much. When you read this, know that you are my priority. I just like a clean house too. :)

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