Today was your four month appointment. Which means, another round of vaccinations. Yuck. I personally am not really all for them, but Vincent is and here we are in a big city, with lots of other sick kids running around, and you will be going to public school... so if I have to pick my battles I'll save this one for another day. Sooo.. your shots. I was so worked up over them, especially after your last round at two months. You were looking up at me, so happy and entertained, and then the needles went in and you started screaming. It was a dreadful feeling, one I wasn't eager to repeat. So.. I hardened myself for this. I meditated on a saying in one of my Buddhist mothering books, that mothering is the practice of bonding and letting go. While the saying refers to the aging child, I applied it here as well. As mothers we only ever want to see our babies happy, and if given the opportunity I think most mothers would spare their child any discomfort. A mother's bond makes it so that she wishes for no pain, to protect and love her little one, forever. It is a noble, but futile effort. Occasionally, pain is a doorway to growth, it is a necessary force, a reminder of what pleasure means. Does this mean that I think it's good for you to be in such misery? Of course not... but practicing mothering means that I have to take the good with the bad and face these things head on. I walk this path with you, in my own way. You do not belong to me, nor I to you, as the saying goes, but because I want you to flourish, in this particular scenario you will experience pain. I, as a mother, will be there for you. I will hold your hand and be beside you.
And boy were you wonderful! The first needle went in and you actually grimaced, but let it go. The second one went in, and you started screaming. You screamed and cried, and once it was over, I took you up into my arms and you calmed down. What a champion!
Above: You and your grandma. At her last visit we had to donate all your old clothes and upgrade you to your next size! You have changed so much in the last month, and you are so happy. The doctor said, "It's rare you get to see such a generally happy baby." He was amazed... he must not get very many happy children! (September 2011)
Now for the irritating part. Besides the insurance (I won't even waste a paragraph writing about that nonsense) battling it out with the clinic over how much we owe at this time for your last appointment, a new concern popped up. For the most part, I'm happy with our Doctor. He's younger, and pretty relaxed about most things. He doesn't seem eager to diagnose you with anything, so I'm happy about that. Unfortunately, at your 2 month appointment, the nurse must have measured you wrong. I say this with a sincere amount of certainty because since then you have outgrown all your onsies and I have had to readjust your car seat. Anyhow, the Dr. let us know that according to your measurements today, you are at 241/2 inches... so you're "not growing." Of course, the Dr. had you remeasured and attributes this fluke to the last nurse failing to measure you correctly. However, we have to return in one month to have you remeasured, just in case it's a hormone issue. I'm sure it's nothing, but in the wonderful world of medicine everything counts for something, and they don't like "what if's." At least, on a positive note, when we go back next month you won't need shots, so you should have a more pleasant experience.
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